Late night monologues

Rain was dropping from the rain gutter as she was stepping out of the bar. Luckily it had stopped raining by then, as she realized she must have forgotten her umbrella at the appartment.

Under the dark clouds she could see the sky turning bright, after all it was almost 4 a.m. when she decided it was time to leave.

She usually went to the bar alone, strolling around, and sometimes she made acquaintace to some really interesting figure or she got right into the middle of a group of friends. No matter what, it always turns out to be an amusing night, almost always at least.

She only needed six steps to reach the pavement, where she leaned her head against the wall behind her, exhaling audibly while closing her eyes for a few seconds.

In the darkness, the world seemed to stop turning around her, she would be at peace.

With her left hand she grabbed a lighter from her purse. A few times she let small flames flare up with her thumb, until she awoke from her trance and fished a cigarette out of her pocket to lit it.

After she took the first drag of her cigarette she felt better, the pain was starting to be a little bit less. The nicotine entered her blood and she could feel the dopamine, that got released with every drag.

With the last drag she threw the cigarette on the pavement next to her, turning it off with her left foot.

For a moment she thought she had lost her cellphone as she rummaged in her pocket for it.

'Finally’, she thought as her eyes got blinded by the bright lights emitted by her phone.

It said 3:48 a.m. in bright white letters.

She didn’t have to think about it for one single minute, her finger almost automatically swept into her contacts as she frustratedly pressed on the word 'dial number' with her thumb.

The typical beep tone appeared, one time, two times, another time, when she realized no one was going to pick up the phone at this ungodly hour.

Suddenly she reached the voice mail.

“Um.. hello? I figured it would be a bit late to call you, or is it too early? Whatever, i just wanted to hear your voice, talk to you. I feel like you already forgot about me. It hurts. I don’t know what to do.” her voice cracked as she had to hold back the tears that had gathered in the corner of her eye.

“Seems like I only ever call you when I’m drunk.” she continued, a small, desperate laugh leaving her throat.

“I guess you don’t care at all, do you? You know what? Forget I even called you.” with that she ended the call, dropping to the floor.

She sobbed out loud, her hands covering her face as it all came up.

Now she sat there, a little before four, and cried. She wasn’t even sure why she cried in the end.